First and for most, thank you so much for all of the sweet comments, texts, e-mails, and messages that you sent me for my birthday. You guys really know how to treat a girl right!
I was originally going to write a “30 things I learned before my 30th birthday” but my spirit just wasn’t feeling it. I was feeling a little more open, honest and reflective, so I hope you don’t mind a more personal post. I also meant to get this post up Monday, but I needed an extra day to “digest” the big 30.
Truth be told, I’m still wrapping my head around the fact, but hopefully getting my thoughts out will help me make sense of the nonsense swirling around in my head. So here we go…
I should probably start by saying that I am normally one to make a big fuss over birthdays. I am the person who celebrates a birthday all week. I buy my kids and husband gifts for every day leading up to the big day. Yes! I’m that person. But I will admit that 30 hit me pretty hard. Logically, I knew I wasn’t going to become a different person as soon as the clock struck 12 and the date changed from the 7th to the 8th, but there was something about 30 that made it feel like a big deal. Maybe I went through the same kind of thing transitioning from my teens to my twenties — I can’t remember.
In any case, the feeling first hit me around 8 PM on the night before the big day. It was this nervous anticipation mixed with a sort of panicked dread. On the one hand, I was really looking forward to turning 30… especially since I kept hearing so many people say that their 30’s have been some of their best years. On the other hand, I only had 4 more hours left in my 20’s before that chapter of my life would be closed for good. Like… what?!?
Another thing bothering me, I think, was the fact that I didn’t really didn’t have anything big planned for my birthday…well I did but due to hurricanes, we had to cancel our trip to Puerto Rico… and I guess I kind of felt like I should since 30 seemed like a big deal?
If I’m being completely honest here, my introverted self is just looking for a dark corner to hide in some peace and quiet, and a return to my normal routine. And that’s okay.
One of the things I love most about getting older is the fact that I feel so much more comfortable with who I really am. I spent a good chunk of my 20’s hiding my quirks and constantly trying to reconcile the person I was with the person I thought I should be. It was exhausting. But the older I get, the more I love and embrace those odd aspects of myself. I realize they may not appeal to everyone, but I no longer care. That’s not to say that I’m trying to become some loud-and-proud menace to society, but that I can finally truly see the futility in trying to impress anyone who can’t like me for who I am. I am walking in my truth.
As a reflected over my 20’s I realized…I became a mother. I became a wife. I became a believer. I became a home school mom. I launched a ministry “Style is Ministry”. I learned what success means for me. I learned how to forgive. I let go of the pass. I learned to worship. I forgave myself. I learned to love myself. I learned how to embrace all of me. I’ve turned my life’s test into my testimony. Not to bad when I sit back and reflect. I am very blessed!
So turning 30 had its ups and downs, just like life has its ups and downs. My plan is to keep taking things as they come and making the most of whatever situation I’m given to work with. I’ve come to realize that things have a way of happening when it’s time for them to happen, and that while we may not be able to control the circumstances, we can control the attitude we approach them with. I have a feeling this next decade is going to be a good one because I’ve chosen it to be that way. Does that mean I’ll never throw myself the occasional pity party? No. But I’ll be sure to wear waterproof mascara, lol.